Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.

"I feel very uncomfortable and anxious at high-end places like restaurants and hotels, even though I can easily afford that lifestyle. What do I do?"

-- Out of place

RN: My hot take is that there's no such thing as high-end spaces, or at least there shouldn't be. The feeling you have -- of not belonging -- is one that comes from spaces being build out of class-caste capital which is inherently wrong. You shouldn't feel bad for feeling out of place, you should feel angry and stake your claim to be there. Or better yet, don't even dignify them with your presence. Invert the way you think of these spaces. They're not too good for you, they're just arbitrarily meant to gatekeep in a world where the old-new money divide is more irrelevant than ever. It's deeply uncool to still maintain classist boundaries -- so rather than feeling entitled to them because you can afford them, you should begin to question why they even exist.

SA: Fake it till you make it. It's natural to feel out of place sometimes — especially if going to fancy restaurants and hotels is a fairly new aspect of your social life. But if you know you can afford the bill, then you also have the right to be there as much as the Gucci-wielding old-moneyed aunty on the next table.

It'll get easier the more you do it. So don't let the anxiety hold you back. Don't allow the imposter syndrome to fool you. You've earned your place and deserve to be there.

NY: First off, major high-five! I totally feel you on posh places causing nerve-wracking anxiety. It used to freak me out, too, like I was crashing a party I wasn't invited to. But here's the thing — it's not about where you've been, but where you're headed.

Let's talk about those nerves: have you figured out where they stem from? Have you had some bad experience with the employees, or has your accompanying lot made you feel small? Is it a kind of generalized social anxiety or sheer self-doubt? For me, at least, it was the lack of such experiences growing up because of our social location. Often this foreboding feeling comes from these systemic binaries we grow up with — classism, casteism, urbanism; the micro aggression of these -isms feed into our sense of self, trying to tell us our 'place'. Eventually, we end up believing if we couldn't swing it before, we don't belong. But guess what? That's a total lie!

For me, the jitters kicked in because I'd worry about not speaking proper fluent English with the staff. I'd practice table etiquette, Google what people wear, and still end up tongue-tied. And get this, my mom went through the exact same thing. Dad, being a bit more low-key, just stuck to the basics. It's like this anticipatory embarrassment, right? Growing up and knowing that this fancy stuff was a rare treat makes us hype it up so much that we discount our own worth. It's the by-product of hanging out on the fringes and then suddenly finding yourself in the spotlight. The self-doubt creeps in. But here's the scoop: it gets better as you roll along. But seriously, I'm proud of you for treating yourself to these experiences!

The next time perhaps, try out shifting your focus from the surroundings to savoring the experience itself. Think about the food, the company — all the good stuff. And if those pesky negative thoughts pop up, challenge them. Are they legit concerns, or just fueled by... well, who knows what? Putting those thoughts in check can be a game-changer. Still at the end of the day remember that everyone has their own comfort levels, and it's okay if high-end places aren't your preferred environment. The goal is to build spaces and explore more of experiences which allows you to cherish life, without worrying too much.

DR: Well, let's hope repeated exist exposure helps you get over it! In the meantime, anytime it gets overwhelming, go to a Sunlight Bar or a Gokul!