Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.
"I’ve been worried about my health lately and after a test result which opened up more doubt, I confided in my friend. I’m stressed about the toll it’s taking on my professional and personal life. Recently I discovered that she’s telling my other friends and even a close colleague about my struggles and insecurities. Ithink it’s because she wanted them to be understanding of my situation, but I feel my privacy has been violated. I know she may have done it out of concern but I didn’t give her my consent to tell anybody – now I feel undermined in front of others. What should I do? Will I be an ungrateful friend for confronting her?"
– Betrayed Friend
SA: Just do it. You've felt comfortable enough to share your insecurities with her -- you can certainly confront her about disrespecting your privacy. Express your frustration, explain that what you shared with her was confidential and that you'll choose who you want to share it with. It isn't her story to tell and she's made you feel betrayed by doing so.
MM: Hell yes, you must confront her! As these things go, she will either be embarrassed or will try to deflect with good old gaslighting. You will be able to judge from her reaction if you need to cut your losses and move on. It does not even have to be a 'confrontation', but bringing it up to let her know it was hurtful, amounts to you acting on the only thing in your control!
DR: Well, since you aren't assuming ill will on her part, I won't either. But if she is – as you believe – acting out of concern, you should let her know that's not the way to help you. If she's misguided, guide her; don't hesitate. If she's doing it to gossip, though, I think you need to distance yourself from her; there's nothing wrong with gossiping non-maliciously, but something like your health shouldn't be a topic to gossip about.